My own learning journey

Of late, I find myself frequently questioning my superior's take on things; work-related. I hate to think i am better than him. And frankly i block that thought. Because if i decide to think so, i cannot work for him. So i tell myself, his work attitude is better than mine. And his language ability is stronger than mine. But still, for awhile, i had been frustrated, daily having to remind myself of his good points. One day earlier this month, i was 'hit with a blow' when i found myself completely unable to accept his lack of ideas for our publication's revamp. I remembered being reduced to silence when he shared his so-called idea. Not exaggerating, but I lost my breath.


On Sunday, i was still feeling the injustice of having to be the 'manager' for my manager. But God told me that i have to pray expectantly for an outcome, and i have to pray silently (for complaining has its damages, i can be complaining for a motive, like making myself look good and i have to be conscious if i fall into that trap). Somehow after sunday's sermon, my furied soul became a little more subdued.


To date, for the purpose of our revamp, I have walked into his room countless times, impromptu, to discuss issues i have a gut that we need to discuss. From telling him how i am 'lost', till telling him today, what we have to address and how to lead our fellow editorial team members, it was a self-learning journey i had to walk alone. And only yesterday night, i discovered how i knew i became more knowledgeable (whether it's enough it's another thing.) And i think i sound cliche to say: the process is really more important than the end, as how another colleague did mention to me, and which came up in my mind again when i made the revelation.


Ok i'm not an angry person anymore.


My next lesson is to be more confident of what i have gathered and to push my own ideas in the direction i think should be not far from wrong. Wish me luck.

My spine hurts!

My spine hurts. I dunno wad i did; i cant remember but it aches now. And it's gone worse in the past two days, that i readily agreed to go to the sinseh this morning when Mum suggested. This experienced sinseh has been seeing my family for 3 generations. He's treated my ah-gong, my aunts & mum, and recently, my sister. Now it's me. It's an old clinic right smack in the middle of Chin Swee. When i was there today waiting for my turn, Mum mentioned how ah-gong was the one who helped the doc with his clinic's flooring, and how ah-gong once fell and got injured badly, this sinseh personally made a house-call (those days they rarely had such services) and so the Chia sisters feel indebted to this doc.

And so today i had the 2nd experience with acupuncture in my life, and again it's regarding the spine. And to alleviate the pain on the lower back, he poked needles not only at the painful spot, he poked under my knee and butt as well. When the needles went into the parts (other than the supposed back), they hurt more than the back ones. And momentarily, i felt my spine numbed and stiff; cant' move.

But when the 'ordeal' was over (it was totally bearable cept for lil cringing when the needles went in), the pain subsided!! But alas, it did not last and right now, i'm back to hurting again. I know how injuries and especially the spine ones will not be treated after just one consultation. I probably have to go back for more sessions of acupuncture. Argh...

I will be such a problematic old woman, with all kinds of ailments and conditions in the future i swear. SIGH.

God, save my spine! oohhh ouch!

Mind on auto-pilot

A clear exhibition of Justina not being focused and her brain's on auto-pilot is when i am on goggle search engine page and i type in "Goggle" in the search box. And a goggle.com.sg is the first hit on results, btw, if you like to know.

I pray for safety.

In ED's words, one more strike, and she's out. And that last strike, was casted by me, today. After eons of office drama, headaches, emotional turmoil, one warning, another imminent one, which turned out to happen today, resulted in someone's leaving our office. ANd was it my fault? My head says, hell no. But i dun feel exactly fine. Amelia spent the evening with me, feeding me sushi, letting me rant, then re-assuring me i should be safe. Why would i need assurance then, you would ask. Probably bcos right after that someone tendered her resignation, my mum at home received a call, and the person said I had created trouble at work and caused her to lose her ricebowl. Does that sound like she's potentially threatening you? Do i feel like my house would be set on fire? Or would she splash kerosene on me and lit the starter? Paint splashed outside of my house? Yes. I am jittery not from sticking to my principles this afternoon. I am jittery because i feel like someone's going to hurt my family or myself.

Cant' express well.

Sometimes i feel i cant express myself well. I need more words in my head, and the ability to mash them up into proper prose.

A best friend.

Such are best friends. And our friendship anchors in impromptus & randomness. Shez rings me while on the bus which passes my house (which is also her old house; that's how we became neighbour-turned frens-turned besties). She tries her luck to see if i happened to be able to meet her for a short while before getting picked up by her bf to go home. I was home and upon receivin her call, changed into tshirt and shorts, grabbed the wallet and phone and headed out to the bus stop to meet her.

Then we walked to Tiong Bahru Plaza together, amidst her reminescence of our neighbourhood and our mutual updates on The fickle boss and The traumatising colleague. Into Tiong Bahru Plaza, a decision to quench the shopping appetite instead of the stomach's, I followed her into Sense. 10mins in the shop - we laughed at how the song playin in the boutique aptly described our day, shez tried a couple of clothes, we briefly agreed on a meeting time for my bday and Out of the shop we ran, as Ryan's here to pick her up already. We dashed thr a sushi shop, then to old chang kee but to no avail (of appetising food), i finally bid her farewell at Mac when i decided i would buy MacNuggets and walk home by myself.

Whilst waiting, she rang me to hurry in my order while they'd make a round to stall time. In 5 mins i ran to the taxi stand with nuggets in hand and hopped into the golden Vios. Ryan dropped me at Blk 2, and I felt I was home from Kim Seng CC where we used to study and her dad picks us home, but today, i alighted alone.

I cant quantify what we had achieved in our brief 50mins meetup. It was so brief it was seemingly nothingness. Yet, seeing the Bestie helped me to touch base with the safer emotions you would have with a familiar person, and i think that, simply normalised my turbulent day.

2/3 Besties without their 1/3 banker Seet

Coffee barista

Ming is learning to be a barista. And i told her i wanted to be one before. Back in the mugging days, as i digest readings at Starbucks, sometimes i like to observe the baristas dispensing coffee or dripping them into mini shot glasses and how they froth the milk. And i chide myself for not being gutsy enough to take up a part-time job as a Starbucks barista, especially for the fact i love coffee. Starbucks baristas were always pretty cool, and they had spunky personalities. I didnt think i had one. I felt safer with my books at the same corner. Argh, really 'shu dai zi'.

So Ming has agreed to teach me how to make coffee like the baristas when she comes back and if we find a espresso machine. Before that, i shall entertain myself with the small coffee pot which is like a coffee-powder filter from Vietnam; those they give you for every packet of Trung Nguyen Coffee powder you buy. Perfectly-brewed Vietnam coffee can be heavenly.

Hah! So anyway, if there's one job i'd like to try and havent done so, it's this.